he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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