I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
