I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
