the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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