so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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