I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
