I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
