I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
