jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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