Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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