new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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