I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
