How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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