just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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