It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
and you fell through a lawn chair
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
