Grow some girl-balls and come out already
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
