I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
