between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
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