I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
