I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
