I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize