oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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