i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
