My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
