He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize