He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
