He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just high enough for therapy.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Do you remember whose house we're in?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
