Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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