if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
love makes seman taste better
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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