i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
