i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
