this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
