It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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