I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
this will be a night to untag.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
