just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
