oh god the rape fog is back!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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