her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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