Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
