she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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