dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize