I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize