This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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