i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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