Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
