Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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