just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
