Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
