I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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