I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
