At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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