his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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