ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
