Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
