oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
PANTIES FOUND
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
