I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize