if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
