I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize