We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I still have a little drunk in my system
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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