I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
